don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i've created a new STD.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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