i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
