I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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