What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
