Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
