You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Shame - the story of my life.
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