Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Damn victory sex feels great
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
