is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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