Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
