dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
