after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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