you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
