It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
