I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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