Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
