He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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