I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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