we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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