yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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