I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
