Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
