he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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