if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
