I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize