can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
