He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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