I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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