dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
