I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
