Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
