better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In other news, I just burned my penis
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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