i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
