We need to rekindle our bromance
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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