So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
