I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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