Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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