first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
