so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
