It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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