in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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