eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
