I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
