My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize