Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
