how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
