Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
