Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
