Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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