They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
