We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
