I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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