who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
