You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize