You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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