He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
