Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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