also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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