Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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