would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
