Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
