OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
