just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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