i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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