Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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