Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
